I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
