Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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