How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
