my mouth tastes like poor choices
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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