I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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