Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
