it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
