I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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