Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
