ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
