Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
