I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
