Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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