can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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