I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
