im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
