They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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