My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
