Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
