When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
