I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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