umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
