I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
