god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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