i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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