Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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