when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
