Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
