I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
