I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
