I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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