I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
