he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
