Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
