toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
