Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
