I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
