She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
