sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
