If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
