So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
