im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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