He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
