Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
