Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
