It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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