Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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