It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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