hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
