There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
