She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
