all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
