She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sorry about my life...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
