Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
