If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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