I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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