It's Friday. Sex?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
