Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
