Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
