i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
